When author Amy Morin was 23, her mother suddenly died from a brain aneurysm. Three years later, her husband, age 26, suddenly died of a heart attack. Amy felt like she was sliding into a dark mental place so she reflected on her work as a psychotherapist and she reminded herself of 13 things mentally strong people don’t do; 13 reasons why her patients had failed to recover from a tragedy or setback.
She found that there are three destructive mental habits, that if corrected, will correct all 13 things mentally strong people don’t do.
Wanna make sure you don’t foster the 3 destructive mental habits to stay away from all 13 Success blocks & become Mentally Strong?
I will tell you how this book changed my life, but first Let’s get into each of the 3 destructive mental habits and find the underlying blocks that could be hiding in your mind too… Erasing these mental habits is what makes mentally strong people so powerful…
1. Mentally strong people don’t feel the world owes them anything
If a man loses his business and thinks: “I’ve worked so hard, I don’t deserve this,” or “I’m a good person, this isn’t fair,” he’s inviting more frustration and anger into his life.
“No matter whether you’re the smartest person on the planet or you’ve persevered through life’s toughest circumstances, you don’t become more deserving of good fortune than anyone else.” – Amy Morin
When a mentally strong person feels like the world owes them something, they shift their focus to people in need. They look for ways to help their coworkers, friends, and family members. If we are busy doing good deeds for others, we’ll stop keeping score of our injustices and forget the world owes us.
Mental habits to deal with a bully
My life as an employe ended up being more about dealing with the tantrums and disruptions of a bully boss than developing the business I was working for.
Working for a Bully boss, was hard at times. Keeping mentally strong and not blame him for the rollercoaster of emotions that could throw me off balance when he started terrorizing the office. But as time passed I more and more understood that this person was in his own hell, and that throwing shame around, was his way of blowing off steam… He couldn’t help himself… he was totally out of control.
Realizing this made it that much easier for me to be the grown-up dealing with his tantrums.
You might say that what is the point of spending years of our lives dealing with bad values, haters, and naysayers… That man was full of insecurity, and internal demons. Mentally sane people don’t behave that way. Today I am glad I got to experience it. It was hard dealing with that hate at work while my father was dying and I was so full of love for him, but in hindsight, it made me mentally stronger.
Today, as a business owner, life is all about learning and developing as a person and as a business mentor. I find that I focus on helping people only when I feel that I have something that I know will help them. So, my niches of expertise are packed with the knowledge I gladly give away to anyone that is interested in gaining my perspectives to develop their skills.
It is the easiest thing in the world because when we learn something new, we need to use it to get it to stick, and if we advance to teach it, we understand even more and get more cases to test out our new theories. Its a win-win-win for each and every one of us…
Whatever happens in life we learn or we win… how amazing is that 🙂
If you focus on what you can offer others, you’ll:
- 1. Stop Feeling Like the World Owes You Anything,
- 2. Stop Wasting Time Feeling Sorry for Yourself,
- 3. Stop Resenting Other People’s Success
2. Mentally strong people don’t focus on things they can’t control
The Book talks about Heather Von St. James that was diagnosed with cancer when her daughter was three months old. Heather went through multiple surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy, and 12 months later she was cancer-free. However, Heather feared the cancer would return and her daughter would grow up without a mother.
Terrified that she couldn’t completely control the cancer from returning, she took out a marker and wrote down her fears on a plate. Then, she went outside, started a fire, and smashed the plate into the fire. The act helped her let go of what she couldn’t control and live each day to the fullest.
When you feel like your life is out of control, the author advises us to take out a piece of paper and draw a horizontal line through the middle. In the top section, write “What I can’t control:” In the bottom section, write “What I can control:” When populating the top section, remember you can’t control what has happened, you can’t fully control your thoughts and emotions, you can’t completely control other people, and you can’t entirely control the future. BUT you can control what you focus on, what things mean, and how you behave.
After you’ve listed the things you can and can’t control, rip off the top section (the things you can’t control), then continue tearing that top section into tiny little pieces OR go outside and light that piece of paper on fire and watch your fears burn away.
Mental habits like worried for nothing, again
How many times have you worried about things that never happened, about things you can’t control? I think we are all guilty of worrying in vain. All that mental capacity that we could have spent doing something useful.
The most important thing to remember is that no matter what happens around you that you cannot control, you can always control how you react.
I find that nature is my best helper if something is on my mind. A Mountain hike will give me clarity, get me in shape, and give me the happy drugs to get worries out of my thoughts. Hikes can be done all year, and around the clock, and it never failed me to this day. If I have a lot on my mind I will stop on the mountaintop and meditate and visualize the future I aim for and come back with the renewed strength to shape my mental habits in a way that will get me to where I want to be.
If you focus on what you can control and remember you can’t completely control people, you’ll:
- 4. Stop Wasting Energy on Things You Can’t Control,
- 5. Stop Dwelling on the Past,
- 6. Stop Giving People Your Power stop letting people’s opinions dictate your life
- 7. Stop Trying to Please Everyone.
3. Mentally strong people don’t make the same mistake over and over
“Mentally strong people don’t metaphorically dust themselves off and get right back on their horse. They pause to figure out why they fell off in the first place before getting back on.” – Amy Morin
When you own and study your mistakes, you’re less likely to slide back into your old ways.
Experience less resistance to owning and studying a mistake you’ve made by imagining it was made by someone else. See yourself in the third person and identify the factors that led to the mistake: thoughts, behaviors, and external factors. Then, write down an alternative action they can take the next time those thoughts, behaviors, and external factors arise.
Now, generate a list of reasons you want to avoid this mistake in the future.
“Carry this list with you. When you’re tempted to resort to your previous behavior pattern, read this list to yourself. It can increase your motivation to resist repeating old patterns. For example, create a list of reasons why you should go for a walk after dinner. When you’re tempted to watch TV instead of exercise, read the list and it may increase your motivation to move forward.” – Amy Morin
If you prioritize personal growth and learn from your mistakes, you’ll:
- 8. Stop Making the Same Mistakes Over and Over
- 9. Stop Shying Away from Change
- 10. Stop Fearing Calculated Risks because doing something new and taking calculated risks are great opportunities to learn and grow
- 11. Stop Giving Up After the First Failure
- 12. Stop Expecting Immediate Results
- 13. Stop Fearing Alone Time (because alone time is the best time to reflect and improve).
This habit is so important. I used to see failure as defeat, but today I love failing. Because I am failing forwards… I am failing my way to success. Just like Thomas Edison that failed 1000 times to get that light bulb to shine.
Because he failed so many times he found the perfect way to give the world light in darkness.
All the great names in history were ridiculed and laughed at because they had big hairy goals and failed again and again. But if it wasn’t for all these brave men and woman we would still be living in caves as hunter-gatherers.
Starting an online business with the help of this online resource helped me get rid of many of these success blocks. And today I am proud to be a part of a thriving community of go-getters that dedicate our lives to helping anyone that is ready to get out of the status quo and build their unique freedom lifestyle. Sign up to my list to get FREE access to the 3 part workshop that got me started
I also take calculated risks going on adventures to make sure I keep my mental habits strong during scare activities as the picture from flying off lions head in Cape Town shows. That was my second flight that day. The first one was jumping out from an airplane for the first time.
If you want to learn more about the habits that will make you mentally strong Learn more from the book it is so worth it to get to know your mental habits on a deeper level.
